CHOOSE RANT

Title:   Betrayal Day:    September 30th, 1997 Author:  Ruiner				Oh boy. I've called these rants, not only because of the homage to Dennis Miller, but because I'm expressing my feelings about some topic that I feel important. Something I need to get off my chest. But usually, I'm sitting here in a calm frame of mind, not quite 'Ranting and Raving' as I like to put it. No live audience to know the difference. Heh. But now, I am livid. I consider myself a very calm person, downright peaceful and non-confrontational about things. Not right now, though... Anyone keeping up with my events may know that I was recently dating this girl and things were sketchy. Yes, it's more of my personal life, but bear with me. About this girl, my caring friends had told me, 'She's no good for you. Things didn't work out before, and they probably won't work out this time.' But... I'm stupid. As usual for me, I heeded none of my friends warnings, and continued to date this girl. I just felt generous, I guess. (which sounds real condescending... just hear me out.) I felt that this girl had gotten a well-deserved bad rep from the people we know. Even though she does some things that defy most logic, deep down she can actually be a sweet girl. And given my poor situation of dating, hell, I'd take what I could get. I mean, she is a really attractive girl and she can be fun to be around. So we dated for a couple of months. It was even somewhat official, if you're into those titles of 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend', and promises of not dating others. Admittedly, it was not the most ideal of relationships. We live distant from one another, driving from one city to the other would take about one and a half hours. To solve this, we'd meet in a city in between, actually the city I work in, go out to date. Unlike most of my relationships, this one was very platonic. Not my choice, having once been labeled as a fast mover by some who knew me. It was okay, though. I was in it for the companionship. After having a serious girl for so long, and then the long drought in between, I missed having someone to hold hands with. Someone to kiss, to hug. Taking things further would have been nice, but I can understand waiting. Of course, with this relationship, it was like being strictly rationed. No real close contact, save for a hug and possibly a kiss or two before the night was up. It was tough on me, who loves to cuddle up with a female, but I endured. I perservered, in hopes that this could blossom and become something really cool. Something that no one figured would happen. Where am I going with this? Heh, read on. We fought some, usually through misread feelings, and me being stood up once every few weeks. And let me tell you, I hate being stood up. But we overcame and it seemed like things were fine. She stood me up again last Saturday, and I didn't hear from her for the week after. I tried calling, but she has no voice mail so I can't leave messages. I could have called at work, but that's annoying and I did have a little pride. She's always been able to leave messages for me. Perhaps that was a sign I should take? Well, I was. I figured things were through, and have been looking around for other women to date, elusive as they may be. But then, I'm at a mutual friend's house when she calls today. I don't get them to tell her I'm there, because I really don't feel like talking. And then I find out a really charming piece of news. She's been sleeping with another guy. I don't know how long, possibly throughout our 'relationship'. Yeah, I pressured the info out of her friend, but jeez... Cheating on me. It feels absolutely great (--dripping with sarcasm--). I realized today that no one has really done that to me before. I remember being with a girl who found out that her ex-husband was cheating when they were together, and she was fiery hot, years after the fact. I'm just beginning to understand the feeling of betrayal. Okay, now I'm no angel. I've felt temptation and understand it. But I'm of the mind -and we talked about this- that if you're going that far... If you're going to cheat on a person, you should have the common courtesy to break the relationship off. If you're adventurous enough to try sneaking around, you should have the courage to face the person you're supposedly 'attached to'. So we talked, and me having no clue, asked her many times what she wanted in the relationship. I honestly wanted to do what would make her happy. That's what I think these relationships are for. Yes, if she had said, ' I want to sleep with other guys', I'd have said fine. I'd have ended the dating with her, but I would understand, or at least be aware. But putting me off, acting like sex was wrong or that we could be better by waiting... And then pulling this crap? I'm speechless. I'm in utter awe of the gall, the nerve of this tramp. And I know the girl. She probably has no shred of remorse about her actions. I just wonder if she was ever going to call me, or confront me. She's notorious for just dropping off the face of the Earth, no contact whatsoever. Or would she have tried to perpetuate the dating even longer, seeing how much longer she could string this fool along? It was a tough day. Not only did I have to endure this treachery, but it is also the day of Alissa's wedding, another serious ex of mine. That wasn't really painful, it was just a bit odd. Heck, I'm actually glad that that's done and over with. (see Rant 5) But no, to get both of them in the same day was a little much. I was about ready to ride over to find her and have a confrontation. I'm very nonviolent, and I hate to cause a scene, but I was ready to go earlier. I've still got a good mind to publicly humiliate her somewhere. Of course, I'll probably get beaten up by her new brainwashed beau. (Well, he must be doing something right that I wasn't...) There was a saving grace for the day. This gorgeous, red-haired woman who has just broken free of a relationship gave me the official thumbs up. I guess I don't get to sit and sulk about the loss of that other person. But I can still be angry, and never forget. B.Mooney