CHOOSE RANT

Title:   Chains Day:    February 7th, 2000 Author:  Ruiner				" Hello. I am writing this letter on behalf of Stephen U. Krapper and the many children like him. Stephen is one of the unfortunate souls diagnosed with TRS (Totally Ruined Syndrome). This disease starts off with odd quirks of personality and degenerates over time, resulting in antisocial behavior and in many cases, a complete loss of conscience. Stephen may not have much time left, but he has one childhood wish - he wants to see Deion Sanders, defensive player for the Dallas Cowboys suspended by his feet and brought to his hospital room where he can be beaten by large blunt objects. " I'm appealing to all of you kind souls out there with email accounts that have not been banned for Spamming users. If your conscience bothers you (and remember, poor Stephen has nearly lost his to TRS), there is a way you can help. Please forward a copy of this message out to 500 of your friends with the instructions that they too should send this out. We firmly believe that if over 1,000,000 people read this message, then Stephen will get his wish and it will be upside down time for Deion. Also included below are a few bogus virus alerts and a secret cookie recipe we're distributing so we can screw Mrs. Fields…" Okay, sure I know I'm full of crap. But haven't some of you gotten this crap e-mail of one type or another? Chain e-mail, one of the seven deadly plagues that the Internet would unleash upon man. Every time it turns around it seems like someone is sending me an email that has been through the cyber hands of nearly five-hundred people. Some jokes, some medical pleas for help. Heck I even had some woman send me some crap about a special discout deal at the GAP, like they would stoop to using the Internet as a medium. (got to admit though, I love the Cartoon Central spoof of one of their singing commercials. - Everyone With No Pants.) I guess it's okay that people like to share. You get a really funny joke, and you think 'Hey, Bill would love this!'. So off it goes. That's not so bad. Heck, I sent out something recently to a lot of friends, a fun survey asking some bizarre questions. But I'm thinking that some people have gotten into the bad habit of sending everything they come across out to a group of unsuspecting contacts. Gone is the discerning eye that once would guess if Joe X would appreciate receiving this mail. To me, chain email is the information age equivalent of junk-mail. I glance, realize that its not something personal from a friend, and toss it. I mean, what could you possibly gain from this? Is Big Brother Advertiser spying to see just how many unfortunate souls you sent the message to so he can give you a reward? For all of our sakes, I hope that is impossible. Are you gaining good karma by spreading this around? Not from me you're not. Maybe to some it lets them flex their egos, knowing that they have lots of cyber contacts they can send mail to. I don't know. Part of me is concerned about those evil beings who Spam, sending out tons of unwanted bulk mail, pyramid schemes and the like. If they receive these mails, voila! They have more new addresses to clutter with their binary refuse. Maybe that's the insidious plan from the start. We send out these chains in hopes of acquiring new email addresses to use for our diabolical schemes. You've never signed up for any of these web services requiring your email, but all of a sudden you now get offers for insane secured credit cards and the opportunity to make hundreds of dollars if you can convince ten other suckers to join up. Maybe some of the pleas for help are true. I do feel sorry for someone who has to appeal to the faceless masses of the Internet for some kind of understanding or consideration. We, as a whole, are not known for our compassion to people we've never seen or heard of before. Especially not me. Of course, I am a victim of TRS. B.Mooney