Ah, back in the driver's seat once more. You know, a tiny part of the reason for no updates has been apathy towards the website. The other reasons have been lack of time, and lack of driving issues to write and rant about. But no more. Our latest exploit involves that great copy center Kinko's. And of course, it involves incompetence.

Backdrop. I play RPGs, you know this. And the new Dungeons & Dragons d20 system has something called the Open Gaming License. It's a great thing, allowing upstart companies to use canon AD&D material, mostly rules, so they can write their own game worlds, and provide materials to the masses. It's breathing new life into the industry, as far as I'm concerned. And one thing it's really helping - the online publishing community. Now, instead of having to incur huge printing costs, newer companies are providing materials on their websites for purchase as PDF files. You do the e-commerce thing, you purchase the file online and they provide you a link to download it. Then you can look at it at your leisure and print it out for your convenience.

And that's where I encountered my problems. I supported the gaming industry yesterday, purchasing four files from rpgnow.com. Some of these are a bit lengthy, and since I abuse my roommate's printer enough, I didn't feel like printing it there. And at the new job, we don't have tons of hardware like super-laserjet printers, so it wasn't feasible to sneak and print them there. So I had an idea - why not Kinko's? They're the 'copy center', right? Wrong.

I burned a CD with all the files on it. Now one of them was a bit different, as it was a book full of maps. Instead of a single PDF file like the others, it was broken into multiple GIF images, all graphics of maps. So I dropped them in a folder, put the PDFs in respective folders and burned away. Easy enough, right? I called Kinko's ahead of time and asked how difficult would it be. They said it would be easy, but I couldn't just go and rent a computer like I've done before. That would have been awesome - carry the CD in, pull up adobe acrobat reader and print what I need. But they said that I wouldn't be able to do it like that. Hmm, I'm still not convinced, come to think of it.

This would need to be a print job handled by their staff. Okay, well that screams out to my mind 'COST'! But I decided I would check it out, why not? It couldn't be too much, because if so then why bother? If it was gonna cost more than the difference between the printed book and the PDF, I wouldn't worry about it. That would be self-defeating, and my money would be better spent with the original company, right?

So anyway, I go there and step up to the counter with my CD. The guy gets out his form to fill out, and begins getting information. He asks for my company name, and when I say I don't have one, that it's personal, his demeanor visibly changes. What, did we suddenly turn into a corporate copy center or something? So anyways, he starts talking about possible Rip fees for files that are not actually PDF files. Well, I assure him that the three PDFs are professionaly done so should be no problems there. The rest are GIF files, which should be simple enough. I did advise that some would be larger than a standard sheet, so they could set the option to Fit to Page. Hey, I know my programs well enough. So anyways, he says it will be noon the next day when this should be ready. Well, all right. I would have liked them to do it that night, but I understand that it will probably take some time, and even though the store was nearly deserted, they probably had other customers. I leave my number and head on to my friend's house.

Next day at work, I have voice mail waiting for me from Kinko's. Oh, we had some questions about the files, please give us a call. Which of course means that they have not even begun work on my project. I give a call, post-haste. First off, the PDFs are copyrighted, which poses a problem. Umm, no it doesn't. I bought them, and I have the email purchase notice to prove it. In fact, I had it at Kinko's last night, but the jerk never asked for it. Okay, I'll fax it over to them. Second, they complain about the number of GIF files and that its going to be a hassle printing them. Hello? I personally have three different programs that will print out GIF files normally. But they're talking to me about those damn Rip fees again, and that normally it would be one fee per item. $ 720.00? What the hell does Rip stand for, Rip-Off Fees? Okay, screw that. Well, the guy on the phone ponders for a second and realizes that this is an exorbitant charge. So they would probably just charge a flat fee. It ends up being about a dollar an hour, estimated forty minutes, so forty dollars. Nope, too much. I tell them screw the GIFs. I can batch print them myself and probably get just as good results. I mean hey, I wasn't asking for large paper, color graphics or anything intensive.

Okay, so anyways, while I'm considering the new printer I'm going to buy, I send out the fax to the office showing that hey, I actually paid for the files I had, so they are mine to print as I see fit. They call back soon enough and give me an estimate on time. Five-thirty in the afternoon. For approximately 150 pages. God at the incompetence! And let me mention that they asked about company name again on the phone. I'm being shat upon because I'm not some corporation, I'm just a simple dude who wants something printed. I thought Kinko's helped college students and the like. Poor kids, if they have to deal with this kind of incompetence.

Five-thirty. Sure go ahead. Maybe I'll go by. Or then again, maybe I'll just let them sit on it and say screw it. Sure, I'd lose my CD, but that's twenty-five cents to pay for small satisfaction. This reminds me of when at an Origins trip. One of my roommates and I were out walking at around four in the morning, searching for a place that had some food. Knew there had to be something available, even though we were in downtown. Saw that the Kinko's was open, so we stopped in to ask questions. It was a 24-hr Kinko's but the only open part was a guy with a slot in the door. We tried to ask him our questions, but he treated us like criminals who wanted to break in and molest his copiers. All we wanted was some information from someone local, but no. We could have gotten rude, but looked as if he was prepping to call the police anyway.

I'm really considering letting them print them and just forgetting about them. I mean, they don't have credit card info for me, so they can't charge me. Of course, I'll become Kinko's enemy number one. But then again, I don't mind it. Dave Thomas of Wendy's fame passed on, so I have to move my jyhad elsewhere anyhow…

B.Mooney