CHOOSE RANT

Title:   Indecision Day:    October 6th, 1999 Author:  Ruiner				Thinking about that last rant, I really enjoyed that. There are so many topics out there I can speak on, whether it be for good or bad. I would like to think that I have an intelligent opinion, and with that scathing wit it might actually make an enjoyable read. Of course, I was lamenting on not being able to decide a topic of choice. Now it hits me. There is a topic I can speak on, although it's more of ranting about myself. Indecision. For years and years I have tried to reconcile that I'm just not that picky. I can roll with so many different agendas and decisions, why should I be the one to choose? When I'm with other people I usually don't try to dominate our course of action. But it's becoming more and more a regular thing. When the question falls to me, I just can't seem to make a decision. Even though my friends and I are bound by a common love of games and imagination, we are all diverse people. College grads, college dropouts, armed forces veterans, perpetual students, the early marriages, those who are forever single. We have different loves of music, foods, films, sports teams, everything. I think that's great. It makes for a dynamic and entertaining environment. Amidst my large group, you will find an opinion on anything, and more than likely an opposing one as well. Maybe I'm too political. Regardless of the public perception of this site, I consider myself to be a nice guy. And I have this real problem with choosing options that will make someone uncomfortable. We want to go out and eat, so something should be decided. But wait, there are some of us who won't eat that type of food. Choose something else. But some of us who eat out too much just had that yesterday. Choose something else. Well, we really don't have the time to wait for that. It goes on and on. And I just met someone who is deathly allergic to tomatoes. Poor guy, he'd never survive in my household. Heh. Odd thing is because I can seem so rational (Vulcan, I have heard some of them say), they will come to me first. I don't believe that I exude that feel of leader. Obviously I don't have it at the workplace, being a perpetual worker ant. But decisions fall to me a lot. And sometimes I will shine forth, tired of the hemming and hawing (a very Southern term) and Decide, regardless of squashing someone's feelings. If someone has a problem with the choice, then I can relent and be rid of the responsibility. "Hey, I already made a decision. Don't look at me." But it goes further than my friends. It's a typical battle with the coworkers when it comes to what to do during lunchtime. Yes, that's another food reference, but I can't help it. I can also remember back to the days of serious girlfriends, not being able to make a decision on what to do for the day or night. Well, the late nights weren't much of a problem. I can shirk some of the blame though. I've always been surrounded by a lot of people who are indecisive as well. Is it just that I'm boring, or am I too eager to make others happy? I question that a lot. I don't have fresh new ideas of fun things to do to occupy the time. A lot of that stems from the non-exciting area I live in. Give me the ultra-urban cities and I'll find something for a group to do. I really do like to sit in the background and have things decided for the group by someone else. I think that's another reason why I'm attracted to strong-willed women. Tell me what you want. You don't have to be controlling, but please have an opinion, have a steady sense of self. It will do wonders. (And maybe I should listen to my own advice). They say that confidence is sexy. I guess I'll have to agree. I've felt a lot better since I replaced self-doubt with conceit. I know I need to update or ditch some of the other portions of the Ruined Net site. I hate to see them wasting away, giving out promises that they'll be updated someday. You're always trying to do more than your apathy allows, right Ruiner? I need to tackle the sections one at a time, but which one first? Decisions, decisions... B.Mooney