CHOOSE RANT

Title:   A Change of Seasons Day:    January 31st, 1999 Author:  Ruiner				Am I the only one out there who suffers from overpowering and emotionally painful bursts of nostalgia and traumatic flashbacks? I'm sure I'm not, but I never hear anyone else complain about something akin to this. I've always known that I am one who has too much trouble escaping the pain of the past. It's one of my serious flaws, to be sure. What I'm talking about though, is best witnessed during a change of seasons. Now, for instance, we're experiencing Spring-type weather here in Winter. January's almost done and we'll be ushering in old February soon enough, but the weather of this past weekend, and today (which would be Thursday, January 28, 1999 for those historians out there) seems just phenomenal. I felt like I had travelled back in time to four or five years ago. And of course, part of me wishes I really had. So many things to change or relive... anyway, no real to worry about that, now is there? Yeah, the weather today sparked this weird interest in me and I couldn't really determine what it was. I went shopping to see if something jumped out at me, something that I wanted to do. It wasn't music, or some food in particular. I did however, step into our local hobby store (Hungates) and look around for my friend Jason. He wasn't working, so I wandered around the store, straying from my usual game section that never changes... I made it to the art section, and I had that urge, the calling to grab a new sketch pad. So I followed the instinct and bought it. Why not, right? To give you an idea, I've been drawing and doodling as long as I can remember. I have sat down and cranked out some serious pics, mostly in the comic book style. It's a passing hobby of mine, one that is rewarding at times and downright frustrating at others. I know it eats up time for potential other hobbies, so I don't do it often. Yes, I'm a man of too many hobbies, which is no crime in my book. Heck, I can't remember the last time I've been bored for something to do. So I expect I'll be drawing something again soon. Recently I did do a sketch for a Vampire character of mine, Madelaine, who a select few of you may remember from my story, Shadows Over Dallas. It was pleasing since it was probably the only thing I had drawn that year and it came out very good. So anyway, I ramble and diverge, as always. Back to the nostalgia bit. Does anyone ever do something and get hit by a wave of remembrance that is almost too powerful? As I said, I hold things in the past very dear to me, trying to hold onto every little element. And things like a significant change in the weather, the way something looks, even a particular scent can draw me back. I know late last year one of my coworkers gave me this lotion for my hands, and I immediately knew it to be the type that my old girlfriend Alyssa had used. Just smelling it took me back to so many memories of good times and things I had thrown away. I even had to call her up, just to see how she was doing. I can be a truly sad puppy at times. How can scents and weather be so potent in such subtle ways? I've heard of this condition called Seasonal Depression Disorder (or something along those lines) where people get depressed during the winter months because of the lessened amount of light they receive. The days are shorter, the nights… oh the nights are longer, and it brings certain people down. I can believe it. And I almost think I have it, but its just the hypochondriac part of all of us – the part that goes, " yeah, yeah, that's what's wrong with me!" We've heard it all before. So I guess I'll just keep going, same as I always do, a rider through this life. I want to seek the changes that this weather causes, the storms of my soul. I think I'm gonna appropriate someone's laptop and do some serious writing outside (for I have to type – my handwriting is painstakingly slow). Maybe I can harness the energies that are everpresent around us. I'll let you know. B.Mooney