Rant 03 - My Apathy
05.1997

All right, I'm kind of mad with myself. This is the first time in a week that I've actually sat down and worked on this page. It would be one thing if it was up nice like the Mimir page or something like that. I could rest on my laurels. But this page is bare bones... nothing really happening. And there are so many things I want to put on here.

One of my friends, Art, made the comment that it will approach that state of all my other projects. The apathy creeps in, and next thing you know, it's been a month since I've worked on it. He's right, I do this with every facet of my life. I rush in with much bravado and then after a while, I just don't feel like bothering with it. I've done this with novels, role-playing games, jobs, girlfriends (sorry ladies...), anything that I have to put some effort into.

It's scary to think of the things I could have accomplished by now if I just had the motivation to continue, to actually finish something. Instead I've created this graveyard of dead projects that sounds like something in that Planescape game I may write about.

Of course, there could be good things to this. If I stuck with everything I started, I'd be married and locked away, possibly stuck on those crappy novel ideas I had back in high school, playing the same old games. This random change could be a beneficial form of replacement, ascending higher in the realm of quality. Or it could just be like a drug, searching for a better high. Is it human nature to quickly tire of something and toss it away? Or is that just male nature... I don't know, I just work here.

B.Mooney